3+ starsThis book might seem over-simplistic, but really, isn't that we so often do - over complicate things in our emotional and romantic lives? This book is designed to help us step back and take another look at ourselves and our partners. Gary Chapman says that we each long to love and be loved - just for who we are; and to discover my "love language", I must analyze the things that make me feel loved. Words? Actions? Quality time? Touch? Gifts?We each have our own preferred ways of feeling loved. And what makes me feel loved might not be what makes my partner feel loved. And human nature being what it is, I will express my love for others in my primary love language - because I know that's what makes me feel loved. But if my partner or family doesn't prefer that same love love language, if that love language doesn't make him or her or them feel loved, then we could be at odds with one another, speaking completely different languages and being overwhelmed and frustrated, trying to figure out where the "love" has gone.It's interesting that he says that "romantic love" lasts about 2 years; that obsessive love that we read about in books, watch on TV and in movies, desperately long to have with another person. Once that fades, real love can begin. In other words, love is a verb, people. It's not a feeling, an emotion, a daydream, or a life-time full of candles and sighs. It's a commitment and an act of will. Because love is such a deep and integral part of who we are, once the obsession (or what some call "passion") fades, it's up to us to keep the love alive. And to do that, we must understand our own love language, so that we can communicate to those who love us. It's good for us to understand the love language of those closest to us (especially spouses or significant others), so that we can express love towards them in ways that make them feel loved.This isn't a book about choosing the right mate. It's not about staying with someone who abuses you or treats you like a doormat. If you're in a troubled relationship, this isn't necessarily the first book you should reach for. But it can provide insights into yourself and your partner, especially if you're trying to rekindle the romance or reconnect again like you did when dating.And I especially appreciate the "work" aspect of this book. Each chapter has questions to ask yourself - ways to apply the book. After each love language is described, the author provides a checklist for you and for your partner on ways to express that love language. Not everything costs money - not even the love language that prefers gifts! You can give gifts from the heart that have nothing to do with monetary value - that single flower picked from a meadow (or your neighbor's yard), a handmade card, a sticky note that says "I love you", and so on... all kinds of ways to express love through words, gifts, touch (not just sexual), actions, and quality time.